I just went through a couple of weeks, that as my mother would say, “these are times that can try your very soul!”.  My family and I had spent days preparing for a Cat 5 plus storm to unleash on South Florida, and after weathering Hurricane Irma and experiencing only minimal effects to the great storm, there was a great sense of relief in me.  The week before, as the storm approached, I placed a lot of energy in preparing for the worst.  As a family, we stocked up, shuttered up, and fueled up.  We spent hundreds of dollars preparing for every scenario and reviewed our emergency plans over and over and over. So with the western shift of the forecasted approach and good preparation, the great storm caused us no lasting harm or damages. After cutting back downed trees, assisting our neighbors with clearing debris, and riding out a few days without electricity, we were no worse for wear compared to other regions who were not quite as fortunate. Needless to say, we were relieved.

However, I came to realize that what I needed protection from was not Irma.  Life was about to come at me very hard.  At least for me it was hard.  It appeared I was not as prepared for this onslaught as much as I had prepared for the wrath of Hurricane Irma.  I had not adhered to the counsel of St. Peter as He so clearly stressed in his letter to the church.

1 Peter 5:8-9

“Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings.”

Now, right after the hurricane passed, I went into what I will call a spiritual slump. I am not too sure how I got there, but I was there.  For that week after the storm, during my unexpected vacation from teaching, oh yeah, and there was no church either, I was not in an “alert state of mind”.  Now, I am not saying that my absence from church or school is the reason for this slump, just saying that this is when it happened.  it seems that I took a vacation from the vigilant man the Lord has called me to be.  That is a priest in God’s Holy Church.  

During this slump, I was hit with a series of news that made my faith shiver somewhat.  I received news of the passing of a dear friend.  Then without warning, my uncle who I had been caring for, who was up in years, but was not expected to be stricken, had a brain aneurysm and passed a few days after. Then to exacerbate the piling on of these unexpected bad news, one of my business venture went south, fast! Now, I have to make it clear; all these happenings were not due to my spiritual slump. But my ability to deal with them at first acknowledgment was at a diminished level because my spiritual state of being was at a diminished level.  Needless to say, I was shaken, and despair was at my doorstep threatening to break the door down.  It didn’t help that I was also slowly recovering from a medical challenge myself. Now, as a servant of the most Holy God, why would I be surprised that these things would come my way?  Especially when I am at my lowest? The only surprise here is, that I was surprised that such things had happened.

2 Corinthians 6:3-10

Rather, as servants of God, we commend ourselves in every way: in great endurance; in troubles, hardships and distresses; in beatings, imprisonments and riots; in hard work, sleepless nights and hunger; in purity, understanding, patience and kindness; in the Holy Spirit and in sincere love; through glory and dishonor, bad report and good report; genuine, yet regarded as impostors; in truthful speech and in the power of God; with weapons of righteousness in the right hand and in the left; known, yet regarded as unknown; dying, and yet we live on; beaten, and yet not killed; sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, and yet possessing everything.”

As Christians, we will face trial and tribulations, and in most parts of the world, you can add persecution to the wretched mix. There is no getting around trials, strife and conflicts on this side of eternity.  In most cases, trials and tribulations will strike when least expected, sometimes like a 350 pound blind-sided sack, not that I know what that feels like since I never played football. But I sure can imagine the impact!  Sickness, death, and loss of income usually do not make appointments with you.  They will creep up on you like a thief in the night or a blitzing linebacker on your blindside.  The lack of preparation for such suddenness can cause you your sanity, possessions and security. In other words you will often end up fumbling the ball. This is so because we exist in a fallen and broken world.  As Christians, even though through Christ, spiritually, we are not of this world, (John 17:14-26), the reality is that we exist physically in this world, therefore we are subjected to the physical ills and trials of this world.

In spite of my lack of stolid faithfulness, the Lord remained faithful.  After some self-pity and a pitiful, depressive disposition, I recall during a period of prayer, my conscience began to question my motives and my approach to prayer. I realized that my prayer wasn’t with a right mind.  To be more clear, it was about my lack of spirituality and how I approached the Throne of Grace. It was as if I was saying to the Lord, “This has to be fixed, this way and right now”. There was even one particular morning, after some time spent in prayer, the business situation even went even further south.  I remembered saying to myself, “Why Lord? Did I not earnestly pray this morning?” My weakness was on display right there in front of me.  Who am I that I should boast, that I should walk in pride? Shouldn’t I be more in tune with my weakness as unto the things of Christ? (Isaiah 40:32)  As I corrected my error in thinking and subjected myself under the awesome reality of Christ’s saving grace, my approach to the Throne of Grace in humility and in sincere prayer, I was literally altered to a submissive attitude unto Christ. In the midst of all this, I was reminded of this prayer by Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane just before He was betrayed:

Mark 14:35-36
“Going a little farther, He fell to the ground and prayed that if possible the hour might pass from Him. “Abba, Father,” He said,“everything is possible for You. Take this cup from Me. Yet not what I will, but what You will.””

Now just consider this for a moment.  Here is the Son of God, perfect in every way and without sin.  This Man who is God Himself, crying out to His Father in total submission and humility.  I stopped to think, I, who am a sinner and wicked in many ways, how much more should I prostrate myself before the Lord knowing that my sins are numerous. Shouldn’t I have expected even greater consequences?  Even so, I  know that  my Redeemer lives and His amazing grace is sufficient for me.

Psalm 121:1-8

“I lift up my eyes to the mountains—where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip—He who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, He who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.

As I approached the Lord in true prayer, there was a significant difference as to my attitude in how I faced these unfortunate life issues.  The issues did not disappear, nor were they made easier. On the contrary, the business crisis was beginning to seem as though it would get worse, and in some way it did. The situation seemed hopeless.  However, my Lord, whose grace is sufficient for me and who is my help in time of need, strengthened my resolve to face these things.  To underline Christ’s amazing love even more, He used the funeral of my friend, an amazing woman of God, to testify the power of faith and give strength to my soul.  This saint had demonstrated such amazing faith in the face of death, that the celebrant of her homegoing service was moved to present a powerful sermon simply by substituting the writings she had penned over the months leading to her death. It is awesome how God can use such a solemn occasion to uplift the downcast. This too was also so timely, as it prepared me to absorb the sad news of the unexpected passing of an aunt living out of town a few days later. With all this, I know that no matter my circumstances, my Lord is still on His Throne.

2 Corinthians 12:9   

But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

Writing this article, I know the Lord was exposing a weakness in me. Let me say this, accepting weakness is not what most males are willing to admit.  Your know, I was a man with many flaws and certainly fell short of the glory of God.  Even so, I am now ordained into the priesthood, a man of the cloth, and well, this only further exposed how great my flaws are and how much more I am reliant on the grace of Christ, just to get through each hour of the day as a servant of His Kingdom.  As I go from day to day, and seek to do His will in service of His kingdom, I realize that none of it can even be attempted in my own strength and will.  If I am going to do the will of Christ according to His calling on my life, I have to die to self so that His power may rest completely on me. I have come to understand that our weaknesses are for our benefit, because oftentimes, it is through our weakness that the glory and strength of Christ are manifested in us.  

2 Corinthians 12:10

“That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

Now, when the Apostle Paul wrote here that he delights in the difficulties that come his way, he did not say that he is delighted that these thorns of social ills are plaguing him.  What Apostle Paul is saying, is that when theses things happens, he delights in the strength of Christ, in whom all things are possible.  This should be the reality of every Christian: Knowing that it is when we are weak that Christ is strong!  This is where I wasn’t when these difficult circumstance arose.  At times, we get complacent and drift out into the monotony of routine and wiles of this world. When trials come, we are unprepared and jump into panic trying to swim out of it.  This manner of panic praying is like a swimmer fighting against rip currents; we just find ourselves being dragged out into deeper water and sinking fast.  As the experts would advise us, to avoid the rip current, we should first calm down, and don’t fight. Remain steadfast and firm, so the waves do not suck us under. Ride the waves and swim horizontal to the shore. You will endure the threatening current for a while, but eventually there will be a breakthrough and clear path back to the shore.  So it is when we are faced with the difficulties of life, especially the unexpected ones.  Don’t fight against it with your own might and in your own strength. Seek the hand of God in prayer. He will guide you along the path of least resistance until there is an opening to pull yourself out of it.  Word to the wise, I didn’t say pray and do nothing.  The Lord will guide you along, not carry you.

Isaiah 40:28-31

“Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and His understanding no one  can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even  youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”

There is a song entitled, “What a Beautiful Name.” One of my favourite lines: “My sin was great, Your love was greater”.  How reassuring are these words. No matter how great your sins, no matter how great your trials, no matter how great your despair, His love is greater. And it is bigger. And it is always available…waiting for you to claim it.

Come Lord Jesus, Come!

Fr. Jerome R. Tracey