Phew! I made it! Today I turn 50 years old, imagine that! What a privilege to behold as I am so aware that many were not afforded this milestone. Looking back at the last 50 years, there were a few close calls. I still remember clearly the day that I was playing in the middle of the street in Ocho Rios, Jamaica, and was nearly knocked clear into Neverland by a car as I walked home from school. The driver decided to throw his car into the bushes instead of send me to my eternal Home. I was about 10 years old at the time with no fear or worries. There is also my reckless approach to life during my late teen, young adult life. Not bragging, but I was pretty good at staying away from drugs, alcohol and wild girls, but my goodness, I was such a manic street racer! Nicknamed Squeeze, because I was crazy enough to make made my own passing lanes, and oh yea, the sidewalks weren’t off limit either, I quickly created my own car-racing niche. When I think about the things I did in a car back then, I get a weak feeling in my knees and praise God that I survived this period. God definitely had mercy on my soul! A few years ago at a family gathering, we were reminiscing about the old days with my parents and were in full confession mode (why not, they couldn’t wax my behind or send me to my room any more). I told them about all the crazy and risky things we did on those bygone weekend nights. I prefaced my testimony by saying, “it’s by the grace of God I am still here.” My Mom went on to confirm that statement by saying, “It was God grace”! Mom told us that every night we walked out the door her prayers were continuous until she heard the sound of us opening the door to return home. She did not sleep while we were out. These young years, I wasn’t thinking too much about the future; I was too busy having fun. My poor parents!
I got married at young age of 25 and I was like, Wow! I am with the most beautiful lady, and suddenly it dawned on me, I got to slow down. I would sure love to spend as many years as I can with this most beautiful lady. Before we knew it, my wonderful kids started appearing, and this caused me to go into full survival mode; as they are such a blessed gift! By the time I was 35, my survival efforts had leapfrogged my parents safety habits to that of my grandfather, yes my grandfather, a man who used to get up in the morning and scan our playing area for anything on the ground that could cause us harm. We thought it was quite humorous and snickered often. Now I am him, and instead of snickering, I laugh, because I do the very same thing. My grandpa never drove over the speed limit, sounded his horn at every bend and corner (if you have ever driven in Jamaica you will understand), and always early to pick us up, because he didn’t want us waiting in the hot sun for him (too dangerous). Yep, as I approached 40 all my reckless tendencies were completely gone. We are now taking about a man that was so keen to survival that I would rival the drama of Fred Sanford at the lightest discomfort in the chest area. I would be like, it’s the Big One! Then off to the emergency room I go! My poor wife!
Did I mention that I am a man? MIDLIFE CRISES! This is the most confusing stage of my life so far. I find myself trying to apply the brakes on the reality of father time persistent progression. No, I didn’t get a motorbike, or tattoo nor did I trade in my wife, but I did experience these sudden spurts or yearning to do some risky stuffs. I prefer to view it as attempting something out of the norm or “measured risk adventure” (MRA) which is a term that is better aligned with my now wise and mature persona. An example of “MRA”? Trying to take up skiing for the first time, as a wise old man, however, I had to quickly give that up. For some reason, the ski resorts weren’t too please with me going down the same slope with kids, something about knocking them over…confusing! I also tried to get back to my soccer playing days; I was a legend back in the day. I was assured that the length of the soccer field has not changed since my playing days, I beg to differ, the distance between the goals is now 2 miles! Who will make such a drastic change to the field? Evil! Because of such “ill advised” change, I was forced to resign from the team. Poor me!
Then one day, earlier this year, I was staring at my handsome self in the mirror, and realized I have acquired quite a few gray hairs. Well, honestly, the gray hairs weren’t that much of a big deal; I had noticed them before. I was mostly preoccupied with melancholic thoughts of my life that were running backwards through time in my head. Those early times back in my Jamaican school days, and the high school phase, and college years, after migrating to the U.S. – they seemed like a lifetime removed from my consciousness, but yet they felt as palpable as yesterday. Many thoughts came to mind that morning, but two thoughts, trumped over all the others and resonated with me. My thinking was more of in the form of questions, pensive wanderings that I could not completely answer without further questioning how. First question is: Am I in a place in life, where I can say without hesitation, that I love the Lord with all my heart, soul and mind? The second question is: Am I doing all I can to help and love those around me with all that God has blessed me with (time, talent, treasure, wisdom, knowledge, experience)? In terms of these two questions, how much of these God-given years have I selfishly or wantonly wasted? Well, as I stand face to face with the hard, cold wall of the half-century mark, I honestly cannot answer either question with a degree of surety. One thing I am sure of, though, there is not one breath that I have breathed in my 50 years on this earth, that is not aligned with God’s will for me or that He is not aware of. It’s not my past actions that I should worry about. I should focus my quest to do God’s will for what His purpose is for me THIS moment. Who is to tell what kind of person I am going to be tomorrow? I sure don’t know; nothing is promised to me. One thing I am assured of, however, whatever my shortcomings or selfish ways, whatever sins I have committed in the past, known and even unknown, I know without any doubt that my Redeemer lives, and I am renewed each morning because of Him. I am a child of Jesus Christ, the King, therefore, my next minute is greater than my previous 50 years.
I am eternally thankful for how God has blessed me the past 50 years. I am thankful for family and friends. I am thankful that I was born and given the gift of life, but most of all, I am thankful that I know the Lord Jesus as my Savior.
Well, if you all will excuse me, I am off to go celebrate that special blessing of turning 50. Hmmm, as a shaky old geezer, I have to be careful in blowing out all those candles…this could cause a major fire and spread through the whole….Ok! I will just make a wish and carry on with the rest of my life.
Lovingly,
J. R. Tracey
The Branch Life 
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